And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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