Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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