oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
