there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize