To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
