eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
