Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
