i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
