i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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