was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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