Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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