my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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