You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
