I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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