Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
