i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
