I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
