she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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