Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
