I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
zippers are such a cool invention
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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