my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
