turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
