it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
