I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
my liver is dry heaving
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I want a musical about memes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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