I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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