I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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