last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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