there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Who died my cat blue again?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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