Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
