whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
