we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
