someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i've created a new STD.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
