So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
