it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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