my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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