I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Every concussion has its silver lining
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
