Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
