you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
