haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
