I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
