What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
