so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
