So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I will be naked everywhere
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
