You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
