How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
