Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
