So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
