it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she told me i tasted like america
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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