I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
