First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
