I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
