I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
