So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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