Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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