Are we in a gay sports bar?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I enjoy the company of your penis
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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