i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
