Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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