I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
