So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
