Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
