Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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