I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We just shotgunned beers for America
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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