Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
