i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
