Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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