Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
