i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
