Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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