i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize