We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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