grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
