I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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