True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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