I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
