I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
