guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize