One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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