Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
whose parrot is this?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Pooping to opera.
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