I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I touched a dick in church today
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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