If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
