You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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