He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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