She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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