I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
