I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
