I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
