A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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