Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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