I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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