and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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