i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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