You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
