I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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