A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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