There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We left an ass print on the piano.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
